You May Forget Your Ex in Time, But What if You Want Them Back Now?

If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you are going through a tough time at the moment dealing with a breakup. It probably feels like you’re never going to be the same again and that the only person you ever loved (and will ever love) is gone from your life for good. At times like this, you may even be obsessed with your former partner. The only thoughts you may have at the moment involve ways to get your ex back and nothing more. The concept of a life after this relationship seems surreal. You can’t get your head around the fact that your ex may be gone for good.

Any advice you are being given at the moment will no doubt include the fact that some day you will be completely over all this and will look back on it with mild amusement at best. While it’s true that time will heal even the worst situations, it is of little consolation here and now. At this point in time, you don’t even want to consider what your life will be like when you are over your ex because when that happens it will mean that your ex, the love of your life, will be gone and nothing but a distant, though fond, memory.

How depressing is that? You are searching desperately and wondering how to get your ex back, and they are telling you that you’ll get over it – nope, that just isn’t going to work.

Of course, it’s easy for any one of your friends or family members to dole out these nuggets of wisdom because they don’t have to deal with the incredible heart-ache and despair you are feeling at the moment. This is real and there is no denying that.

The good news is that you don’t have to settle for the promise that things will be better in time. How much time are we talking about anyway? A month? A year? And just imagine having to endure that hardship knowing that some day the pain will subside.

Don’t get me wrong: of course, the pain will eventually subside and you will recover, but it definitely will not be an easy road.

So if you are not willing to let go of your ex, the time to act is now. You need to put a plan together and follow it through. I’m not saying that you should start harassing your ex (we know that doesn’t work anyway), but you should at least put something in place in terms of a short and long term plan.

And do not hesitate – the clock is ticking and your window of opportunity is closing.

Need a place to start? Try thinking about the mistakes you are making at this very minute when it comes to dealing with your ex. Are you harassing him/her with phone calls and text messages? Maybe it’s the fact that you are unwilling to take no for an answer until things cool off. Whatever mistakes you are making at the moment, you know deep down what they are.

The next step is easy: if you know the mistakes you are making, then simply do the opposite. Can’t stop contacting your ex? Simple, just keep away. Enlist the help of some good friends if necessary. If you really can’t keep away, take a trip out of town and go on vacation for a bit. Make sure the cell phone stays at home. Once you have identified the problem, the solution is usually straight forward.

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You Need to Understand Why Your Ex Dumped You

Although it’s natural to want to “fix” a relationship after getting dumped, if you don’t understand why your ex left you in the first place, there is very little chance that it’s going to happen any time soon. Also, if you do get him/her back, it’s not likely to last. You’ll wind up in the same situation – and when your ex leaves you again, they definitely won’t be coming back.

As painful as it may be, what you should be doing with your time at the moment is really trying to understand why they left. Put aside the “victim” mentality for a minute and look at things objectively. Even if your ex left you for someone else, there is a reason it happened in the first place. Was your relationship already in trouble? Did you both communicate openly? Did you respect each other? Was there any cheating going on?

If you’re wondering how to get your ex back, you really ought to give this your undivided attention – eventually, you’ll find the answer, and that answer will be worth it’s weight in gold.

Yes, there is a chance that your ex is completely evil and left you for no reason at all, but that’s highly unlikely. It’s much more likely that there is one single problem with the relationship that lead to the split. Unfortunately, your ex is unlikely to give you any clues. This is something you’re going to have to figure out on your own.

Once you have a pretty good idea of what actually happened, you’ll be able to sit down with your former partner and really talk things over. It’ll be very obvious that you’re not just apologizing for the sake of apologizing. Your ex is going to pick up on your sincerity right away and it won’t just look like another ploy to get them back.

This is going to go a long way towards reconnecting (and eventually, reuniting) with your ex.

How to Get Your Ex Back Like a Jujitsu Master

So you may be thinking to yourself, what does being a Jujitsu master have one lick to do with how to get your ex back. Trust me, this isn’t some gimmick to get you to start a martial arts class, just trust me on this one. One of the founding concepts of jujitsu is to take an opponent’s energy and use it against them. For example, let’s pretend your arm is locking in tight with another, kind of like arm wrestling. Whatever happens, you need to keep pushing with all your might against his oncoming force. One thing you can learn from jujitsu in this situation that you can easily apply to your relationship is how to “give in” a little – this will surprise your opponent and you can easily turn things around. The key is to use their strength in a way they’re not expecting – against them.

I’m going to shed some light on how to use this technique when you try to get your ex back. Just like in the example, you need to stop pushing back. This means no more fights or bickering about small things, no matter how right you are. This also means that being needy and clingy are out of the question – and there is never a good excuse to look for reasons to “run into each other”.

This is just the first step in throwing your ex off guard – next, you want to reverse what you have been feeling and act happy and joyful with life. You should even start to consider going on a date. This, of course, is not to find someone to replace your ex, but instead to really boost your self-confidence and get you in a more positive mindset.

When your ex sees how amazing you are doing, there will be nothing they can do to stop themselves from coming back to you. There will be this initial confrontation, but don’t stress about it. Just remember your jujitsu training and things will work out just as you planned. When thinking about how to get your ex back, I hope you begin to realize it’s not as hard as you once thought.

After The Breakup, Your Options Are Limited

If you find yourself on the receiving end of a breakup, you know how hard it can be to change the situation. In fact, if you’ve been dumped, you have very little in the way of options. You are at a very significant disadvantage psychologically in the post breakup relationship.

Not having any viable options can really take its toll on a person. Quite often, it will cause someone to take drastic measures even though they know they are doomed to failure. Furthermore, these actions may permanently kill any chances you have for a reconciliation in the future.

Such behavior is often described as erratic, desperate, needy, and pitiful. It includes such things as phoning your ex dozens of times per day, texting them consistently, and may include the odd desperate e-mail. None of this is going to change your ex’s mind, but it will show them that you are not exactly the person they thought you were. A bad situation all around.

Now, just because you are on the defensive, doesn’t mean that you can’t make decisions for yourself and improve your situation. For one thing, you don’t have to contact your ex at all. Secondly, you can easily remove yourself from the volatile environment and take some time for yourself. Go on vacation, go visit friends, whatever it takes; just don’t contact your ex for any reason.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Though we may know the mistakes we’re making, oftentimes our emotions can do our thinking for us. The end result is that you put yourself in the position where you are nothing more than a nuisance and a pest in your ex’s eyes.

The first step towards turning the psychological tables on your ex is acknowledging the fact that you have very few options and you are at a significant disadvantage. The second thing you need to do is tell yourself that it’s only a temporary situation. Third, make yourself scarce and get on with your life.

Amazingly, if you’re able to do this, you’ll notice a few things happening: First of all, you will start feeling your confidence and self-esteem returning – Secondly, you will create an environment in which your ex will start thinking about you. What you have done is created scarcity and it’s simple human nature to want what we can’t have. If your ex has any feelings for you at all, you’re going to be on their mind quite a bit from here on out.

That’s how you change the psychological tables in your favor. in fact, it really is the only way.

After The Breakup Emotions Can Run Wild

I often wonder what causes people to act so irrationally after a breakup. Of course, it is a very emotional time, but the cold hard reality is that if you’re acting out of desperation, you’re likely to do things that will permanently damage any chance you have at getting back with your ex.

I look back at some of my previous breakups and I can just shake my head. Is it any wonder that I wound up driving them away and causing them to lose all respect for me in the process?

Desperation is not an attractive quality and, even though I knew it was completely wrong, I refused to stop contacting them in a desperate attempt to reconcile. Begging and pleading might get you a little sympathy, but it is certainly not an attractive trait and will definitely not create any romantic feelings were your ex is concerned.

In fact, you’re more likely to show them a side of you they never thought existed. In some cases, they might even wonder what they were doing with you in the first place.

So if you find yourself in the middle of a similar situation right now, the only advice I can give you is to break off contact completely and make yourself scarce for a week or two. Give the situation time to defuse and for your emotions to subside. Afterwards, you will look at the situation in a completely different light.