After The Breakup, Your Options Are Limited

If you find yourself on the receiving end of a breakup, you know how hard it can be to change the situation. In fact, if you’ve been dumped, you have very little in the way of options. You are at a very significant disadvantage psychologically in the post breakup relationship.

Not having any viable options can really take its toll on a person. Quite often, it will cause someone to take drastic measures even though they know they are doomed to failure. Furthermore, these actions may permanently kill any chances you have for a reconciliation in the future.

Such behavior is often described as erratic, desperate, needy, and pitiful. It includes such things as phoning your ex dozens of times per day, texting them consistently, and may include the odd desperate e-mail. None of this is going to change your ex’s mind, but it will show them that you are not exactly the person they thought you were. A bad situation all around.

Now, just because you are on the defensive, doesn’t mean that you can’t make decisions for yourself and improve your situation. For one thing, you don’t have to contact your ex at all. Secondly, you can easily remove yourself from the volatile environment and take some time for yourself. Go on vacation, go visit friends, whatever it takes; just don’t contact your ex for any reason.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Though we may know the mistakes we’re making, oftentimes our emotions can do our thinking for us. The end result is that you put yourself in the position where you are nothing more than a nuisance and a pest in your ex’s eyes.

The first step towards turning the psychological tables on your ex is acknowledging the fact that you have very few options and you are at a significant disadvantage. The second thing you need to do is tell yourself that it’s only a temporary situation. Third, make yourself scarce and get on with your life.

Amazingly, if you’re able to do this, you’ll notice a few things happening: First of all, you will start feeling your confidence and self-esteem returning – Secondly, you will create an environment in which your ex will start thinking about you. What you have done is created scarcity and it’s simple human nature to want what we can’t have. If your ex has any feelings for you at all, you’re going to be on their mind quite a bit from here on out.

That’s how you change the psychological tables in your favor. in fact, it really is the only way.

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After The Breakup Emotions Can Run Wild

I often wonder what causes people to act so irrationally after a breakup. Of course, it is a very emotional time, but the cold hard reality is that if you’re acting out of desperation, you’re likely to do things that will permanently damage any chance you have at getting back with your ex.

I look back at some of my previous breakups and I can just shake my head. Is it any wonder that I wound up driving them away and causing them to lose all respect for me in the process?

Desperation is not an attractive quality and, even though I knew it was completely wrong, I refused to stop contacting them in a desperate attempt to reconcile. Begging and pleading might get you a little sympathy, but it is certainly not an attractive trait and will definitely not create any romantic feelings were your ex is concerned.

In fact, you’re more likely to show them a side of you they never thought existed. In some cases, they might even wonder what they were doing with you in the first place.

So if you find yourself in the middle of a similar situation right now, the only advice I can give you is to break off contact completely and make yourself scarce for a week or two. Give the situation time to defuse and for your emotions to subside. Afterwards, you will look at the situation in a completely different light.

Avoid Contacting Your Ex

If you’ve spent any time at all looking at other websites, you’ll notice that one of the main bits of advice they give is to stay away from your ex. There’s a reason that the majority of sites have come to this one consensus: it works.

Nothing creates desirability like scarcity. We all want what we can’t have and we tend to discount that which is readily available. When you start obsessively contacting your ex, you are not creating scarcity, you’re creating an abundance – and humiliating yourself in the process. There is no challenge and your ex is likely to take a “who cares” attitude.

While separating our emotions from our logical thinking should be relatively straightforward, in reality, it’s not as easy as that. It takes an incredible effort to be able to stay away from someone we still love.

And that’s where the problem starts for many. It’s one thing to phone your ex once or twice after the breakup, it’s another entirely to constantly phone, text, and e-mail them whenever the urge strikes. And sometimes that urge strikes several times a day.

Is it any wonder that tempers become short and feelings fade quickly. You’re not doing yourself any favors by driving them nuts – they will simply start resenting you more and more. Put yourself in their situation.

Since few of us have the discipline to behave ourselves, it is imperative that we not contact our ex at all until we get our emotions under control. If you can’t manage that, simply remove yourself from the situation and make sure you plan it so that communication is impossible. Go on vacation, go visit friends – but leave the computer and cellphone at home. Yes, it’s a drastic measure, but one that you will be thankful for down the road.

How To Get Back Your Ex Who is With Someone Else

A common situation that happens when two people break up is that the person that did the dumping often realizes they made a mistake, but unfortunately that diamond in the rough you had and didn’t realize it until it was too late, has already been scooped up by someone else. One of the toughest battles you will have is in trying to figure out how to get back your ex that is with someone else.

The toughest thing to ever see when you want to be with someone is the first time that you see them with something else. Before you jump the gun, make sure that those feelings you are having are genuine and not just a little bit of jealousy. Second thing is that you don’t really need to sweat it too bad, it very well may be a rebound and they are just putting their time in and trying to get you out of their head. Don’t panic and you still have a shot of getting them back.

Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘two can play that game’? You don’t need to rub it in their face put you do want to see how they react to you being somewhere with someone else too. They are perfectly cool when they have the upper hand, but when the playing field gets leveled, it is a whole different story. Let them see you with someone else and at some point, make yourself available. Maybe you walk to the restroom when they are looking or you go over to the jukebox or bar by yourself. If they are still interested, they will more than likely wander over and at least say hi. If they make a comment that they can’t believe you are with so and so, the door is open, maybe only a little bit, but it is definitely open.

You are going to have to move really slowly and allow the other relationship to fall apart. That is going to be the most difficult because you want to be with them and you know they are going home with someone else. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but patience is going to be your best friend when you are trying to get your ex back.

Does my Ex Still Have Feelings For Me?

“Does my ex still have feelings for me?” You often hear this from a friend or from someone who has broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Although it’s quite a common question for anyone who has been dumped, finding an answer can prove to be difficult.

If you find yourself in this situation, one of the first things you must do is accept the fact that your ex’s feelings for you will remain hidden – that’s provided they still have any. You’re going to have to do a lot of reading between the lines in order to find your answer. Having the ability to interpret what your ex is really saying is paramount. After all, if they broke it off, it would be hypocritical to start chasing you – think about it.

So what you need to do is look for the subtle hints that your ex might want to see you again. Here are a few:

You hear through your network of friends that your ex is asking questions about you. This is extremely positive because if they really didn’t care, they wouldn’t bother asking about you.

Your ex makes excuses to see you. Some examples might be meeting you to return some items or otherwise taking care of some loose ends. You’ve really got to read the signals right because they may just be trying to finalize the separation.

They turn up at social functions knowing full well that you’ll also be there. Secretly, they might be hoping to run into you – accidentally of course.

The bottom line is that if someone wants to avoid a particular person, it’s extremely easy. Your ex can easily get on with their life without seeing you. The fact that they keep showing up may be a sign that they still have feelings for you.